Andertol's New Sordid Personal Life

[miokalia]

[[[OOC: this is a mostly internal thread having to do with a situation that a Hiyike Andertol has gotten himself in. It takes place a while after the Imperial Party.]]]


15:00 sharp. The parking lot of an abandoned k-mart in the middle of the desert somewhere.


Andertol pulled up and exited his car, expecting to see Itka pacing around somewhere, glaring at him. Instead, she was nowhere to be found.
The small device she had couriered to him had a note which indicated this spot, at 15:00, on this day.
But he still didn't know what the "PS: MODE 0982, Bitch" at the bottom of the note meant.

Maybe this was his punishment for what he did up north at IX's party.
She was having him stood up.
Not so bad considering what the Secretary of Defense said she wanted to do to him.

He almost started to think, "Hell hath no fury like...", but stopped before he accidentally made a pun that only himself and Kazians might get.

In the distance, he saw something moving, it had a pretty big cloud of dust behind it too.

"Oh shit.", he said aloud.


Itka blasted into the parking lot on a jetpack, of all things.
He had never seen her like this before though.
She wasn't wearing a thread of clothing. Just armor.
She had adorned herself with some kind of apparatus consisting of two long devices which Andertol knew were colloquially called "eggbeaters". They resembled some kind of hillariously terrible BDSM equipment used for unmentionable pursuits. Except they housed some kind of actual weapon.
She had guns mounted above her arms as well. He hoped those weren't live rounds.

She stared at him for a minute then said,

"What part of quarrel don't you understand?
You're wearing a goddam polo shirt and jeans?"

"Well I don't know what's going on. I didn't even know you Malych people did this kind of thing to eachother.", Andertol whined.

"Get yourself into something appropriate. I refuse to strike an unarmed opponent in this setting.

Well, get those silly clothes off, it's not like you have genitalia that dangle around."

Andertol did so, and felt weird about it.

"Now put this on!", she barked and heaved a heavy box she had carried with her at him.

"What the hell Itka?

Ok seriously, I think we need to talk about this whole thing with the marriage....", Andertol complained.

"NO. We don't need to talk about it. We need to fight. Now put on that f**king CAS and shut up.", she barked again.

In the box were all the gun housings and apparatus that would normally be on the full-size version of his model.

"Itka I feel stupid.", he complained once he had it on.

"Enjoy it while it lasts, because you're about to feel pain", she yelled, then charged at him with that jetpack, Egg-beaters pointed forward like jousts.

Andertol screamed and ran awkwardly. The armor she made him wear was heavy and threw his whole balance off.

She opened fire at him, and he continued screaming, eventually he layed on the ground and put his claws over his head as the rounds bounced off him.
"I surrender! I surrender! Oh god please don't kill me!"

"Get up! Get your head on straight! These are rubber rounds you dumb ass. Do you think we actually would shoot live ammunition at each other?", she barked.

"But you never told me that!", Andertol whined.

"Get up.

You know for a genosaurer, you are a total pansy.", She said.

"I'm breakable Itka!", he shouted, "So I'm being careful!"

"Replaceable parts!", she shouted back, then fired some weapon from both of her egg-beaters, pushing her back a bit, and sending Andertol flying and rolling around, "Now get up a fight me"

Andertol staggered up and started firing back.
The two of them did this for about a minute until they both ran out of rounds and the concrete was littered with thousands of pink rubber rounds.

Itka roared and ran at Andertol, mouth wide and teeth bared. Andertol did the same.
They collided. Andertol got his mouth around the mount for one of the egg-beaters and clamped down.
Itka got her mouth on his shoulder and did the same.

She clamped down harder, severed the joint and with a whip of her head, had tore his arm off.

Andertol roared and yanked at the mount and finally broke the bracket, thus allowing both the jetpack and the egg-beaters to fall to the ground.

She reared back and threw him up about 15 feet, letting him crash into the ground some distance from her.

"MY ARM!", he roared, "WHY DID YOU BITE MY ARM OFF?"

"Oh shut up!", she barked, "We'll reattach it later!"

Andertol was too far gone though, he let out a feral roar, then his foot anchors dropped down.
With a loud whirring noise, his mouth cannon extended and his tail vents opened.

Itka paced around a bit, waiting for him to charge his weapon up. Waiting for the perfect time to end this fight.

Then suddenly she rushed him, Rushing straight in front of him and jammed the barrel of one of her many guns straight down the barrel of Andertol's mouth cannon.
His eyes went wide and he squeaked.

Then his weapon fired, grounded out on the barrel of her gun like a fork in a microwave. Smoke poured from his mouth cannon as she removed the gun and let Andertol fall to the ground. The equivalent of his peripheral nervous system had froze.

She put one of her feet claws on his back, then let out a triumphant roar.

Andertol eventually rebooted and asked very faintly, "Are you done killing and/or maiming me yet"

Itka ejected her armor and let it fall to the ground, then replied,
"Yes. It's over now.
All is forgiven."

"My arm...", he moaned.

"We just have to pop it back on.
You know, I think you might actually have some problems that need to be looked at.", she said.

"Naw, you think? Especially after what you did to me", he said.

She then picked him up and hugged him. Then hopped off with him behind the building to a more private location.

[miokalia]

Several weeks after the Imperial Party
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After Secretary 323K14L pestered him for around an hour about IX's recent change of internal policy, he finally acted-out.
He got up and without a word, punched a hole through the window.

Then left the office.


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"Itka", he said while laying on their pile of pillows and beanbags at home, "I thought when I agreed not to anull that marriage, that I would be exterting a level-headed influence. That I'd create a deadlock that would stabilize things.

I never dreamed that he would go off and do something this reprehensible."

"Figured you didn't", she said, "Nor did any of the people who were hoping for trade to start up.
We can't trade with an economy with slavery, it breaks the entire system down. Aside from it being unethical."

"I don't know what to do.", he said.

"Don't do anything", she said, "It's his problem now."

[miokalia]

Sweizalthorpe put his feet up on the new desk he had installed and pretended to smoke an unlit cigar.
"You can thank me later for getting you unhitched from that thing", he said, "He sure is good at sounding sorry when popular opinion turns against him and his security twats decide to conduct further demolition of his character."

"I don't have to fight you do I?", Andertol said in slight paranoia.

"No!", Sweize exclaimed indicating slight offense, "Are you crazy or something? We're not mated. That would be inappropriate."

"I didn't know this was specific to mated couples.", Andertol said.

"It's not. The rule is, you don't fight with someone outside your pack, you numb-nuts.", he said, "Now, Qualt may have saved you, but he really screwed you up too. Your rage is all gone. And that's a bad thing. Because your rage is the reason why you're here, your rage is highly productive for me and your country.

I don't know what he switched off when he plunked you down into that core, but you need to switch it back on again. Because I need your brand of rage in order to get things done.

Remember when you testified for Izixs during the chamber trial?
You disregarded all their formalities to emphasized how it was a farce. They dismissed the allegations because you wouldn't move. Because you had an avalanche of evidence and you didn't let them play their semantics in order to counter it. Because you just didn't respect the formality of the situation.

But here you are, months ago you were having a respectful chat with the emporer. For all I know, when you went upstairs with him at that party, you and he probably sat down and had a spot of f***ing TEA!

When you should have had simply sent a letter to him explaining that until he steps down from his ivory pillar made from the bones of his people, and becomes reasonable, there will be no discussion.

Have I made myself clear, Andertol?!"

"Yes sir", he said unenthusiastically, "Except, I still don't know what you want me to do exactly."

"Of course!", Sweize said angrily, "You still think like an allosaurus. You need specific instructions all the time!

Get. Your. Anger. Back."

[miokalia]

Andertol and Itka in:
"Take a shower, you dirty bitch"

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Andertol rolled across the floor in sheer boredom. It was his 2nd day of being "suspended" from duties by the Apparateur, and he really didn't have a whole lot else going on in his life.
So he rolled and rolled until he bumped into Itka's office chair, then he yelled, "HI ITKA!" and punched one of the levers on the bottom of the chair. Causing the entire thing to lower about a foot suddenly.

"Wow", she said irritatedly, "Maturity Level like: negative eighty-billion, Hiyike."

"Can we do that thing where I put hummus on your...", he started and then didn't finish because he realized that there was a grainy texture on his panels and plates and this distracted him.

"You haven't taken a shower in over a month, have you?", she said, noticing that he was able to almost draw on himself by removing dirt with his claw.

"Yeah, I... don't know if I actually can use a regular shower. I mean, you don't. I thought it was because it would cause some sort of problem with gaskets and rust or something.", he said.

"You go to a car wash, Andy. They let you go through there for free because they log it and the Apparateur pays them in bulk.", she said, "You didn't know this?"

"You're kidding me right.", he asked.

"No, I'm not.", she said, "But since we're both the same now, maybe it's time we actually get the proper apparatus installed in our bathroom."

[miokalia]

Itka and Andy drove out to the Montgommery Ward in Gohua (They emerged from bankruptcy successfully in Miokalia, despite shutting down everywhere else). The store was a total disorganized mess, but somewhere in the ocean of boxes, with appliances and clothes interspersed, and disinterested sale floor people, there were bathtubs and showers.

"Sup homes.", said one of the associates.

"I need some tubs and s**t", asked Itka.

"Yo, for storage or like... for showers and junk?", the salesraptor asked.

"For like, taking a bath and s**t.", she said.

"Oh yeah.", the salesraptor said, "It's down over there and up the escalator and then boom right there."

"Tdosh yo", she replied.



The escalator proved to be a problem as Itka got on and began ascending but Andertol didn't have enough confidence in his weird genosaurer legs to do it easily. Itka ended up walking the opposite direction on it to stay in place and said,
"Oh, come on seriously!"

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They walked past a plumbing section. The toilets mounted to shelves along the wall all had barbed toilet seats to deter people from using them. As they were intended for display only and finding customers' filthy leavings in display model toilets was a major issue in this country.

Finally they got to the bathtubs. The funny thing about bathtubs is their names are less hillarious than the model names of the toilets (names like "Pbransto Torgalun" which translates from Kohtohkhan literally as "Brown Hurricane", quite accidentally) But the tubs try to be more outrageous.

"How about this one", Itka pointed out a 6 foot-by-6 foot stall which featured a number of panels that opened up to reveal a somewhat menacing array of shower spouts, "It's called "Do szato exorsistke". "The Grainy/Dirt Exorcist". Doesn't that sound pleasant?"

She pressed the demo button and the mechanisms that deployed from the thing looked quite violating.

"This is kinda f**ked up, Itka.", he said.

"TOO BAD", she said, "It's how it works. Grow up."