Things ____ Probably Shouldn't Do

[The Anean Star Empire]

Rather straightforward. Just pick a character and list things they probably shouldn't do. It's supposed to be funny when possible. But, of course, must remain PG-13.

Things Nakhi Probably Shouldn't Do

1. Surf a tank into battle

2. Particularly when only wearing a loincloth

3. And while yelling "GLOOOOOORY" the whole way

4. Start shooting at things with your HPC because there's a sniper nearby

5. Give IX a box of trick cigars for his birthday

6. Become one of Tiam's POWs just to get to know the natives better

7. Walk into a battlefield with a "What'd I miss?" look the morning after

8. Get drunk and try to make the Republic like the Soviet Union

9. Even though with the food and housing shortages you're already almost there

10. Threaten to invade any nation that makes fun of the Republic

11. Only Emperor Welhan did that and it never worked for him

12. Launch all the nukes because playing with rockets is fun

13. Ride one of the nukes for shits and giggles while IX is around

14. Throw a stone and see how many houses in New Nordavic you can destroy*

15. Put IX's AI into the Worldport so that you can laugh at him insulting the people there

16. Failing to cover up that you already did that

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* New Nordavic is a huge slum city made of burnt out tanks, train cars, and scrap tin

[aatuylva]

Things Stidham Probably Shouldn't Do

1. Install red buttons in his office.

2. Broadcast internationally a live feed of said red buttons.

3. Constantly dropping things near buttons.

4. Get bored and sit with finger hovering over buttons wondering which one to press first.

5. Laughing at Dunsel and Wira's ensuing heart attacks.

6. Re-enact scenes from Dr. Strangelove.

7. Or any other movie made outside of Aatuylva that concerns war.

8. Especially movies about World Wars.

9. Or the Cold War.

10. Or wars from fiction movies.

11. Especially if they concern global catastrophes.

12. Forget to take your medicines.

13. Especially the ones that control your mood swings.

14. And the ones for the other problems.

15. Signing the edict you called 'From Cuthroats and Crazies to Citizens' probably wasn't a good idea either.

16. Signing anything while drunk is bad as well.

17. Particularly anything Dugald gives you.

18. That he wrote while drunk in the same bar.

19. Remember: People actually think you're bluffing when you threaten war.

20. This means no, you can't start wars just to prove them you're not, it means you need more nukes.

[Aluez]

Things Tod Probably Shouldn't Do

1. Give the middle finger to Duke Leck on national TV, while holding an AK to the head of his wife

2. Pull trigger on said AK

3. Piss off ANYONE from Cal

4. Or Russia

5. Or China

6. Or anywhere for that matter

7. Bite someone to see if they'll become a Ghoul

8. Start an army of Ghouls

9. Sneeze near a nuclear reactor

10. Go on a date with Stidham

11. Or Nakhi

12. Blare VNV Nation - Kingdom at max volume over the public PA system of Alenia

13. Same goes for Tyr

14. Burn Salnai to the ground like Pompeii during a Volcanic Eruption

15. Anger the SUn God by mooning it

16. Telling the Hessains it is okay to blow up everything in orbit

17. Including the moon

18. Declare Aluez the Capitol of Unity for the Milky Way

19. Even though you're royalty doesn't give you the right to piss off the empress of the Abh Empire at every turn you get

20. Piss off the new york police department by killing the speaker of the house in the UN

21. No matter how rib cracking halarious it is to watch the bastard twitch

22. Use the Hebrew Scriptures as a wash rag

23. Same goes for the Bible

24. And the Koran

25. No eating people

26. Using ABZero devices as kickballs is wrong

27. Also dangerous

28. And annoying

29. In Nomine patris et filii et spiritus sancti

30. AMEN!

[The Anean Star Empire]

Things IX Probably Shouldn't Do

1. Get drunk

2. Particularly before a diplomatic meeting

3. ESPECIALLY before the UN meeting

4. Let Nakhi do the above 3

5. Visit LA and use his real name

6. Doing so would probably result in being arrested

7. Order a missile strike on your location

8. Dye the fur of anyone pink

9. Particularly Nakhi or Tod

10. Even though it is potentially funny

11. Use a flamethrower

12. Firing downwind with the flamethrower

13. Wear a hat around Tiam

14. Do a Kim Jong Il impression just for shits and giggles in front of the UN

15. Do an Obama impression just for shits and giggles in front of the UN

16. Tell the world before they make a decision on the battlestation that if they say no it will be built anyway

17. Use your own mercenaries in every war

18. And then charging your allies amounts in the hundreds of billions or even trillions of dollars

19. Press the big blue button*

20. Repeatedly press the big blue button

21. Use a planet buster on Haroma

22. No matter how bad you want to kill Rio

23. Use the crown as a paperweight

24. Use the scepter as a baton

25. Especially on diplomats

26. Laugh at Stidham

27. Get drunk and then try to force religion on the godless Aluezi heathens

28. Let them know that you once called them godless heathens to Nakhi

29. Being God of War doesn't mean you can start wars for no reason

30. Even though you could probably win

31. Build a mile high tower for Megamantics Corporation's HQ

32. Turn the island south of New Astrapolis into a fortress for Megamantics

33. Sink all ships that enter your waters

34. If you threaten to do that again, be sure to carry out on in since people think you were bluffing

35. Act like Emperor Welhan and speak of human supremacy constantly

36. Even though Haromians are probably the superior human

37. Cloning is bad

38. Unless of course you are intentionally trying to make an army

39. Robots work just as well

40. Make fun of LucAI

41. Try to disable your AI at the Worldport

42. Buzz the control tower in a fighter Top Gun style

43. Play "Highway to the Danger Zone" over the radio while doing that

43. Doing the same to a ship's bridge

44. Smoke his Cuban cigars in front of the teerie

45. The Haromian ones don't have the same effect**

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* Aneans don't use red buttons. Theirs are blue.

** Since Haromian cigars don't have nicotine