The Official Video From the Miokalian Tourism Boards16.photobucket.com/albums/b48/jhresch/?action=view¤t=MiokTourismsmall3.flvThe cover for the pamphlet:
The Lonely Planet GuideMiokalia is like an alternate reality. Familiar things rearranged and rescaled into a surreal world so very similar to the rest of world, and yet so very different. Even the mundane and everyday things are a curious novelty to the foreign visitor here. Even the population itself is such a curious novelty.
Grab a bike or scooter and explore, the radical social libertarianism here is only matched by their cultural obscession with maximalist public art and urban character that contrasts the more traditional understated elegance and minimalism of their more classical arts. There is so much to discover in this reletively young nation that at times it seems inconceivable that 250 years ago, it was mostly empty. What the nation lacks in historical monuments it makes up for in character. They are social, expressive, rude, vulgar, impulsive, patient, relaxed and irreverant. Prepare to have your sensibilities offended and your ideologies challenged. Regardless of how you are when you arrive, you will leave this place as a more complete person.
Facts for the visitor[/size]
Port of Entry Security/Visas/Documents know before you goEntry in to Miokalia is very easy for most people. However the HCH (Harordat Chachuiy Hriy - Miokalia's equivalent to the US's TSA travel security entity) shows no shame in, or even attempts to hide the fact that they use profiling to determine the level with which individuals are to be searched.
HCH port-of-entry is often considered to be simulanteously one of the most forgiving bureaus of it's kind as well as one of the most absolutely strict. The HCH will use up-to-date technology to access and verify information if you happen to be unable to present it by accident. Their waiting rooms are very comfortable and serviced by extremely apologetic waiters and staff persons who will cater to every comfort-related whim you may have. At the same time, when going through security check-points (there are four of them), items which indicate religious identity, such as jewlery featuring emblems or books/texts will often get your bags checked twice at each station. Religious-related clothing will get your bags as well as yourself checked
at least twice at each station. There's no use in getting frustrated about it, since that will probably get you checked another four times because they use thermal technology in their scanning and have been known to pick up on that... The best advice is to put jewlery featuring such symbols as well as any texts you may bring with you in your bags. To put it simply, don't even think about trying to get through wearing anything implying religious affiliation, wether it's robes, veils or even just a shirt with a related slogan on it, you will be going through security for a
very long time. Of course, one you do get through, port-of-entry agents will be very apologetic. There is no hiding the fact that this country is still dealing with
intense social theophobia, and it manifests itself in many ways.
Congratulations, you've passed security. Now you need to get your Stachheka, the equivalent to a short-stay visa. Unlike many other countries which have various other methods of keeping track of foreigners, such as Visas and such, Miokalia has a strikingly simple unified system for foreigner documentation. The Stachheka is like a driver's license. After stamping your passport, you will have your picture taken and will be told to grab a metal handle while viewing a few simple images. HCH refuses to explain how this identity cataloging system works, but rumor amongst physicians and scientists is that it is some kind of EEG-based identification system. However, as I mentioned before, HCH refuses to say how it works. All I can tell you is that it's
very fast and I've been told it is "way cheaper, vastly faster and far more accurate than if it were based on DNA".
When filling out the paper work for the card, you will be guided through a very simple system which is actually very intuitive. Also, if you are a returning traveler, you can just present the card to the booth agent and skip almost all the paper-work entirely. You just have to grab the metal handle again and watch a few generic images until the machine verifies it's you (and it will eventually if it really is you. Because it will immediately reject it if it isn't). Verification of indentity takes about a minute.
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when going through identify verification or ID establishment, it is recommended that you think as naturally as possible. Take a moment to relax. If your mental state when you establish or attempt to verify your identity with this system is particularly unusually distressed, it will take a lot longer for the system to verify your IDApplication for a visa occours at the next set of booths. But if you don't need a visa, you're done!
The visa process is nearly identical. Except it seems that the government is more interested in how you think than what you're doing there.
Of course, they ask what you're doing. Business, pleasure, vacation, education.. that standard stuff. But in order to acquire a 3 month or more visa, you have to go through what is to most people, an incredibly mundane and very easy attitude test.
It's basically a test to keep violent sociopaths from getting visas. You have to pretty much be either stupid or crazy to fail it.
You then receive a temporary visa until your visa is processed and either granted or rejected. You'll know immediately if it's rejected though.
CustomsFirst off, HCH is very thorough. They could care less about your privacy and if you happen to have a bag full of something humorously embarassing, they could care less about that too.
Surprizingly, medicines are usually okay. And actually, some substances which are illegal in other countries too, such as marajuana (pot is legal and regulated in Miokalia).
However, that doesn't mean they don't inspect it. Laced or unsafe weed gets confiscated and destroyed: no questions asked.
Bringing a massive amount of weed through customs is not acceptable either.
Cocaine, Heroin, many Opiates and some Hallucinogenic substances are totally unacceptable through customs. Many are also illegal in Miokalia. Specifically: Cocaine and Heroin. Marajuana is about the conventionally illegal drug that's legal in Miokalia.
Also, keep in mind: you can bring nicotine gum into the country. But any tobacco products will be confiscated because tobacco is considered a Public Health Hazard. However, for smokers, nicotine gum can be purchased in the country. The big issue is that tobacco causes immediate severe health effects in dinosaurs, such as extreme nausea, fainting and loss of balance.
Most foods are acceptable to bring in. However like everything else: everything is checked.
MoneyLittle known fact that visitors usually find out just a tad too late: Using credit cards in Miokalia will
piss your bank the hell off like you wouldn't believe. This is because Miokalia, as a nation, does not recognize international consumer credit debts. A liability that foreign banks don't like to take. Also, the Paelweir Chonde Miokalia, the national bank and federal reserve actually charges private foreign banks for every credit purchase made with their accounts in Miokalia. The charge amounts to 60 to 90% of the interest rate the foreign bank charges the customer. Thus, creditors make almost no money off of credit purchases made in Miokalia. Foreign public banks are the exception. In places such as Tinis, Llewellynland, Erenmor and Cal, this policy does not apply and transactions happen as normal. Miokalia only likes to extort private financial institutions.
Converting your money into Karats is very easy. In fact, it's also very cheap. For amounts under 15,000 Kts, there is no processing charge for conversion into and from Karats.
Even then, it is possible to apply for a waiver (application approval happens in minutes), which allows you to convert up to 50,000 Kts (or sometimes even more) without charge. However this right is only granted to charities, humanitarian services or very special circumstances.
DO NOT convert your money into Ghalos. While the G-note is still accepted in commercial places in the Northern Continental Republic territory, it is an annoyance to deal with. Since it is a currency no longer beind produced and effectively being phased-out.
It is a cultural expectation that in a commercial setting one pays using the fastest method possible, especially if there is a line involved. Unless it's right in your hand, don't go looking for exact change. Make sure you have all cupons and IDs readily availible quickly. While Malych will not usually express a great deal of impatience, Dinosaurs in line don't care how old, tired or drunk you might be if you're searching for just the right number of small coinage and taking too long, they will stare at you menacingly. If the cashier happens to be Dincotian too, then he or she will also become very rude. The one exception to this is checks. It is a cultural expectation that checks are to be printed as legibly as possible, and thus travelers cheques usually garner more patience and forgiveness.
I recommend using travelers' cheques, but make sure you keep them secure. Miokalia doesn't have a very bad pick-pocket problem at all, but there are always those who look for tourists to take advantage of. And in a place like this, foreigners stand out.
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Use a money-belt. Pick-pockets can't steal something strapped to your chest without you totally noticing it.Post and CommunicationsThe postal service of Miokalia (Hoytu) puts a lot
I mean, a LOT of ink-stamp, barcode line stuff on mail. About twice-to-three-times as much as everyone else. This is because the system is entirely automated. Full-size and business stamps are 0.25 Kts a piece, that's about 0.50 USD.
I suggest using half-size envelopes. The stamps for those are only 0.12 Kts a piece (0.25 USD), and you can just stuff regular-sized things into half size envelopes with some creative folding. Of course, if it gets too over-stuffed, it will be treated as a full-size letter postage.
In actuality, if you put too much or a bit too little postage on something and send it, it will get there. The postal system actually doesn't seem to really care about postage accuracy.
If you have a mail box or PO box in Miokalia during your stay, you will be presently surprized to find out that you receive almost no unsolicited advertisement mailings.
Mass junk-mailings account for a large amount of waste and over-burdened recycling effort, in addition to being an annoyance to the public.
Internet Resources / Computer StandardsEverywhere. Seriously, there just isn't any escaping it here.
The Miokalian government practices no form of content censorship (this is a constitutional thing). So there are no filters or censorware or legislation in place to restrict content. However, spyware and adware are considered to be viruses by MIZCOM (the government-regulated telecom company in Miokalia), and thus production or intentional distribution of it is a serious federal crime.
Of course there is internet advertising, but it is exclusively contained within webpages.
Of interesting note is the policy on complying with foreign internet censorship. It is against the law for a company which operates in Miokalia to comply with any substantial foreign censorship firewall policy.
Also, Miokalia right now is a bit of a piracy-haven. Intellectual Property law in Miokalia favors artists, and media creators over distributors and marketers. Since that's the whole point of copyright: to protect the intellectual property rights of the people who create intellectual properties, not the "obsolete business models of those who used to turn it into a comodity".
However, Miokalian software and media-publishing companies are very intelligent about protecting their products in ways that don't interfere with it's usefullness. Most expensive (and piracy-prone) software comes on cartidges or 'Hard Cards'. Because CDs are very easy to copy. Hard-Cards are much more difficult to do so, since they physically must be present in the computer to work and contain hardware components which make them work. However, the government seems like it couldn't care less about piracy of foreign materials, as it does nothing to stop it. Viruses are actually very rare and short-lived in Miokalia. Most of them are email viruses. The government takes this kind of computer crime very seriously.
If you use any computers in Miokalia, you may find that some things are different:
Modern Windows-based systems are running an OS called 'Microsoft Windows RP3'. It's basically Win XP, but oriented towards the different needs and market of Miokalia. Since Windows does
not exactly have the lion's share of the market there.
Many computers run an OS called 'CR-TDC'. This has been the standard for a long time there because the OS runs on literally anything. About 50% of computers in Miokalia run this OS.
Apple is also present there. However, Apple has a special version of OS-X for Miokalia, although not quite as dramatically different as WinRP3.
Keyboards are very interesting here. The Kohtohkhan language keyboard looks a lot like an English one in layout. The Kohtohkhan part of It takes the place of the number-pad in location. It is a keypad with 18 keys. The keys do not correspond to whole characters but rather, line components which make up the alphabetical characters. It's really weird unless you write Kohtohkhan, so I'll just leave it at that. The other side of the keyboard is either an alphabetical arrangement of familiar roman letters, or it is the conventional QWERTY arrangement. There is no caps-lock key, and the 'Enter' button is freaking huge too.
Information for Disabled or Senior TravelersBe careful. Just about everything in Miokalia is wheelchair-accessible. However Miokalia considers foreign mammalian seniors (over 65) as 'disabled'. This means you get discounts on bus fares, taxis and at restaurants, but it also means that it is almost impossible to rent a vehicle alone.
If you become hospitalized in Miokalia, be aware that the patients' rights are different than those of most other countries.
As a patient, you are permitted to choose some minor things. However, Miokalia has no concept of 'conscientious objecture' in medicine. Basically the only way you can reject treatment is if it is for medical reasons.
Also, be aware of the differences in food availibility. Regular animal-derived milk is
extremely rare and
very expensive. About the biggest size carton you'll find anywhere is a half-gallon too. If you are allergic to soy or shellfish, you will find it a lot harder to eat here too. They do have soy alternatives, but they are usually rare and expensive. Dairy is almost totally non-existent here, and the way many food-items of foreign origin are prepared here is also different.
Whole grains are not very common here, and many are almost non-existent. Most bread in stores is made from Rye or a variation of Sourdough. Wheat is very hard to come by and expensive. Spelt is slightly more common, but it is also very expensive.
If you're on a high-fiber diet, I recommend bringing your own fiber supplements. Supplements are also availible in stores, but high-fiber foods are hard to come by there.
Gay/Lesbian/Bi/Transexual TravelersMiokalia is one of the most accepting societies of alternative-sexualities in the world, and the Federation. People seen as sexual deviants in many other places are treated equally as those of conventional sexuality in Miokalia to a degree which is trully remarkable. With the only exception being that there is a very
intense cultural stigma against polygamous marriage (one dominant male, many submissive females or vice-versa) but they very openly accept polyamorous sexual groups or polyamorous urban tribes/packs (because intercourse is seperate from marriage in this culture). Exploitative and non-consensual sexual activity is a huge no-no though.
Homosexuality, Androgeny, Hermaphroditism and Transexuality have been in the Dincotian culture for thousands of years. It being a reptillian culture, this is perhaps understandable since the physical and chemical differences between the genders are superficially almost negligible. (one lays eggs, the other doesn't)
In ancient Kohtohkhan societies, hermaphrodites were seen as "gifted", and would be the center of rituals and revered. Tales of Dincotians transforming between gender are also frequent subject matter in ancient Kohtohkhan literature. This ancient acceptance of alternative sexuality is rooted deep into the Dincotians and the accepting attitude continues to this day.
Radio and TelevisionThere are four bands of publicly regulated, commercial and publicly operated radio.
FM - 87.5 to 110 Mhz
SW (short-wave) - 1 Mhz to 50 Mhz, (SW2 - 200 to 350 Mhz)
DM - 400 to 900 Khz (equivalent to AM, but uses FM modulation)
Video standard is NTSC, analog VHF (over-the-air) broadcast still exists and probably will for quite some time.
There are 12 channel slots on VHF. They consist of local channels almost exclusively. There is basically only one commercial network TV company in Miokalia, that is DCN. However, numerous smaller news outlets exist through IPTV.
Miokalia has a unique cable system where you only pay for the channels you want. (although hotels will have almost every channel). IPTV, however is the current format the entire system is transitioning too. There isn't much talk about HD-TV in Miokalia as IPTV has a flexible scale for definition quality and aspect ratio, the transition to IPTV is also
vastly less expensive for everyone by comparison to that of HDTV. All you need to get IPTV is a computer connected to the internet.
You won't have to worry about subscription charges to the IPTV service if you're just visiting, probably. But the charge is 8 Kts per month (16 USD). IPTV has commercial breaks just like conventional commercial television.
Travel With ChildrenMiokalia is full of interesting things, but there just simply isn't much oriented towards the typical family there. There aren't really any Disneyland kinds of places. Huge cultural divides make it very difficult to find things for foreign kids under 7. That's not to say that small kids will be bored though. Playgrounds in Miokalia are legendary for their complexity and character.
But television in Miokalia is not oriented towards families with young children at all. MPBS-KAE, the public tv station does have a Seasame Street knock-off, however, it is in Kohtohkan and the aesthetic is noticibly different than most foreign kids may be used to. Also keep in mind that the national tv watershed is 9:00pm - 5:00am. There are no limitations to tv content during that space of time. During regular hours though, the limitations are fairly lax. Constitutionally, networks and distributors cannot be fined for distasteful or inappropriate content. The limitations are basically just 'suggestions' issued by the government. So you may want to be attentive to what your kids are watching on Cable. However, IPTV is probably a safer way to go for kids. It's very easy to find appropriate programming and a lot harder to accidentally change the channel and end up happening to see something offensive or scarring.
Miokalia is one of those countries where child abduction is almost unheard-of. However it is possible for your kid(s) to get lost or separated. Try to keep them close to avoid this. Just use common sense.
DrivingMiokalia drives on the right-hand side of the road. The stop signs are the same as they are just about everywhere, They're red, and they have 8-sides. In Miokalia, they are also HUGE. The standard in Miokalia is that stop signs are usually twice the size of those in most other places. If they're particularly important, they also have flashing red lights.
But Miokalia uses stop signs almost exclusively on small neighborhood intersections. For many places, they have single lights. In parking lots, they use Yield signs and the weird "Go" sign, something specific to Miokalia. The green-circle 'Go' sign means quite simply: "Even though this looks like a place to yield, it really isn't". Go signs are also used on round-abouts. Because you're (normally) not supposed to stop while in the round-about.
Also there are the 1-meter-high pillars which rise to block a path or lower to let traffic through. These are used on the entries to bus/utilities lanes. They are also at some railroad crossings. In Miokalia, these are called "twitocades". That's because only idiots try to out-run them as they go up, and end up damaging their car and deploying it's airbags.
There are very few traffic cops in Miokalia. The police do not have quotas to meet or possible funding cuts to worry about if they don't issue enough speeding tickets. If you're going 8-over then they could care less. You pretty much have to do something obviously dangerous or careless to get pulled over for speeding.
When driving in Miokalia, make sure that you aren't also high or drunk. While both alcohol and marajuana may be legal, if you're caught driving while stoned or buzzed, you may be forfeiting a lot of rights when you get caught.
There are stories of foreigners being arrested for this and being handled very roughly. However, as I understand it, the traffic cops in Miokalia are actually very easy-going and not prone to unjustified brutality.
Remember also: there are
a lot of people on scooters and bikes on the roads. They are allowed to weave between stationary cars too. So don't be alarmed by this. In very dense places there is no speed limit posted because it is expected that you'll take notice of the sheer amount of diverse traffic around you and drive carefully. It is not all that different than urban driving in India.
Another thing to keep in mind: if you lightly bump into someone else's car, you don't have to file an accident report or insurance claim or whatever. The cars there are designed not to dent from 'collisions' of less than 5 miles-per-hour. And they also have plastic material around the skirt of the vehicle which will neither destroy paint, nor become permanently discolored from contact.
A lot of people think this makes cars in Miokalia look like toys. With nice rounded-edges and clear plastic starting at the same height around the skirt on all regular road vehicles.
(to be continued)