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Post by miokalia on Feb 17, 2011 12:34:22 GMT -5
Andertol Returns to Active Office: Attacks World Assembly for Unfair RatingsAndertol returned from his personal leave today, and as his first order of business, he started attacking the World Assembly for it's recent declaration of Miokalia as the 9th most avoided country in the region. "I'd like to remind you that this declaration was made by an international body which has routinely failed to protect the rights of non-humans on multiple occasions. So their judgements are fairly inconsequential and should be relegated to the territory of inane, unfounded extremism which ceased to be relevant in the dark ages at the latest. However, enough people listen to these irrelevant old bags that it should be addressed. I would appreciate it if WA did not watch Jurassic Park and the wildly specist and anatomically incorrect television series Dinosaurs in place of doing actual quantitative research about this country. But then again, I don't think I want those people to be visiting anyway. So really, whatever." What do you think?Eedie and Jessandra Eiye Fire-eating street performer and Accountant"I don't care. You know what? It works both ways. We avoid them too." T3RRY Pantsington Professional Commercial Graffiti Artist"That's it. I'm voting that we drop a SKYNET on their asses." Romero Schubaltz Contraceptive Tycoon"You know, I think we do this intentionally. We probably bribed them to list us as among the most avoided. It's part of the plan" Rttngehan Tdoboraskartehgh Minor League Extreme Ironing Champion"In Soviet Russia... wait what?"
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Post by The Anean Star Empire on Feb 18, 2011 3:18:50 GMT -5
Anean Aeronautics Announces Aircraft Imperial News Center Emperor Xaimoungkhoun announced the formation of Anean Aeronautics following the successful production model of the AIJ-5000 Ambassador hypersonic airliner. The first off has been become the Emperor's personal aircraft, along with his 747, Ensemble, and An-225. The Ambassador has recorded speeds of up to mach 5.5, but its engineers believe it can go faster - though they are not willing to test this. It has a passenger capacity of about 300 and, to quote the Emperor, "looks like someone mashed the Concorde with a Boeing 777". In addition to the Ambassador, another aircraft - the AIJ-8000 Imperator - was also unveiled. This one, much slower, but with a much higher capacity, was also immediately added to IX's fleet. Larger than the An-225 and with a capacity around 700, the Imperator is clearly very expensive. The Emperor also commented on this one saying, "a child of the 747, A380, and An-225. What's with my engineers and Earth aircraft?". Both models are for sale to any airlines interested. The company is also seeking potential partners. --- Pics: AIJ-5000 AmbassadorAIJ-8000 Imperator
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Post by Killer Zoids on Feb 19, 2011 10:46:07 GMT -5
Two Scoops Magazine (On the cover is a hot dog stand looking cart engulfed in 10' flames)
Pants Wagon Explodes in Ovania A type A pants wagon exploded into a hellstorm of flames yesterday when a protester out side of city hall ordered a steamy pair of pants.
There were no injuries reported but both the pants vendor and the protester were taken to Last Chance Hospital, where they were treated for 1st degree pantsing.
"All of a sudden, BOOM. I just scanned the credkey, and they guy opens the cart. He was pulling out a pair of awesome panties with tongs when there was this air rush I heard and then the cart just exploded," said the protester, Nigelo Witherplatz.
"Ey, like I been doin' this hea fo' easy 30 yeas, ya know? I ain't never seen a pants wagon jus' go KABOOM, man. Fo geddaboutit." the vendor, Omey Feldspar interjected. "The company is makin' sure this dude gets a lifetime supply of fresh steamy panties, wit the frillies and everyting. Fo' reparations."
The PR fur at Hot Steamy Undies Inc rebutted, "We're making sure the gentlemen gets a lifetime supply of fresh steamy panties. With the frillies and everything. For reparations." PR was photographed naked in his car, raising questions about the safety of street-vended-pants. After the ordeal, the protester was reunited with the charred remains of the pair of panties he bought that day. Two Scoops(R) had the underwear mounted and framed in a turquoise frame with a copy of this magazine in the background, commemorating the day of infamy.
A full investigation took place, and chemical CSI team announced that the cause of the explosion and resulting fire was the dry cleaning process mixing with the humitidy inside the cart.
"Its called a BLEVE, 'Boiling Liquid Expanding Vapor Explosion'. Well, maybe not, but its a fun acronym. Basically, when the vendor opened the lid, it caused an instant backdraft." Said fire marshal Marshal Shamlar.
It was unknown what the 2 man protest was about. Probably something crazy happening up north. It doesn't really matter.
"I don't like it" said the mayor. Later he commented, "Please don't quote me on that."
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Post by Kingdoms of Cal on Feb 22, 2011 11:16:53 GMT -5
The Death Of The Last Hangman The Drac Observer
The last qualified hangman in the commonwealth passed last night, though he only carried out one execution he never took an apprentice. His own position of the death penalty seems to be the same as the one that trained him, the legendary hangman only known as Shane.
Shane carried out the fastest execution in the commonwealth's history taking less than thirty seconds from taking the commended from the cell to the drop. Even back in those barbaric days all of the now commonwealth nations and alba viewed drawn out executions as barbaric. The condemned had little warning other than their final appeal had been lost and that the should get their affairs in order.
The condemned cell was next to the cell containing the gallows, the hangman and guards would enter via a secret entrance. It was over quickly, with little ceremony and the hangmen took pride that they always broke the neck on the drop. They viewed a decapitation as better than under doing the drop, it was messy but at least the condemned was dispatched quickly.
Both Shane and Sean, the last hangman, both lately indicated they were against it but if someone had to do it, they would prefer that they did. Just to ensure it was done correctly and efficiently.
The last execution in what is now was a traitor and war criminal in Sae carried out by Sean. Some sixty years past.
Though it remained on the statued books until unification in many of the duchies, Sae and Drew, it was never used since then. The total abolition only occurred five years ago with the passing of the furry rights act that removed it from all commonwealth nations for all crimes.
Oddly one of the nations now part of the commonwealth that has only now fallen into line with it's ceded to the commonwealth was quite early to remove it in practice, but not in fact. Zion last executed someone some three hundred years ago. Though only abolished it on paper this year when it ceded to the commonwealth.
Alba how ever is in a odd position where there are many capital crimes but they have no-one to do it. Well that and they have not executed anyone in over seventy years, it seems that they will shortly join the commonwealth in being a fully abolitionist nation.
Perhaps in time other nations of the fed might join the commonwealth in becoming fully abolitionist but, unfortunately, I doubt they will, especially in the blood thirsty north, even tinis still has it. Even some of our closest neighbors still have it on there books.
But if alba joins us, perhaps the end of this barbaric practice will be ended in the fed.
--- OOC: news sources in the commonwealth are independent so never take as what they say as the government line.
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Post by The Anean Star Empire on Feb 22, 2011 13:47:14 GMT -5
Death Penalty Reinstated Intergalactic News Network Emperor Xaimoungkhoun brought back the death penalty, in all forms, after a sudden increase in crime across the Empire. Unlike his attempt at instituting slavery, the death penalty reinstatement was a very popular measure among all Aneans. The fact that, shortly after becoming Emperor, he did away with it was a surprise. However, he has extended the crimes for which one can be executed. It used to be just murder and treason, but death is an option for all felonies now. In addition, he added in several reforms to the Anean justice system. While in the past, he was trying to appeal to the people, a massive backlog of cases in the system has forced him to do away with the rights of the accused. For example, the accused no longer has the right to a lawyer if they can't afford one. They no longer have the right to jury and instead get a tribunal. All accused are considered guilty from the start and bail is no longer accepted. Plea bargains are no longer accepted. And quick trials are to be commonplace. All of these are, surprisingly, supported by most Aneans. Emperor Xaimoungkhoun's approval also went back up to 76% because of this. Emergency Election Results Imperial News Center In this election, in order to effectively represent the Empire, the Senate has been increased from 500 members to 5,000. Senate: Republican Party300 Seats - 6% Socialist Party450 Seats - 9% War Party1,000 seats - 20% Nationalist Party 3,100 Seats - 62%Slavery Party150 Seats - 3% Prime Minister: Nakhi Welhan (R) - 86%Vincenzo Soldavini (Soc.) - 2% Kseniya Xaimoungkhoun (N) - 12%
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Post by miokalia on Feb 22, 2011 14:27:38 GMT -5
Andertol Attacks World Assembly Again for Padded Ratings"I'd like to remind the World Assembly that this country is in the bottom 1st percentile for crime rate.", he said simply, following up with, "And we did it all without the death penalty. Once again, I would prefer that the World Assembly discontinue it's backwards and primitive prejudices against us." What do you think?Tdarmigan and Ree Spo Pool whisperer and Professional Curler"Is crime like that thing that happens when you take a bat to someone's car?" 7OD0T Plorg Community Police Officer"Nonsense. Just last month I caught some teens standing around suspiciously, it turned out they were just trading funkymon cards. But still, it was loitering. I told them to scram." Yahtzee Schwartzmuffin Meat Market Owner"I really don't like it when hoodlums come running into my market, grab any of the meats they like and take off! The only reason why I'm not doing anything about it is that they do actually leave money for the correct amount. It's still rude though!" Aardie Pomolganhamhnoikre Home Dancing Pole Tycoon"Someone once tried to sell me codine. It was urine in a bottle though."
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Post by Kingdoms of Cal on Feb 22, 2011 14:48:18 GMT -5
Attacked for being Civilised Again Teerie Telegraph
From time to time you get humour like people that think having the state killing people makes sense life more valuable.
If anyone had checked the figures they would know that removing the death penalty as we did enons back drops the crime rate. The evidence is clear for brighter people as stats don't lie.
Canada's crime rate dropped as did Switzerland's when they stopped killing people in the name of justice. The nations with the highest crime rates are the ones with it on average...the only ones with lower crime rates are the ones people expect to be caught. Not usually for capital crimes either.
Hell even when the US had some sanity the murder rate dropped. Then climbed when they allowed it.
Call me odd when you devalue sapient life most of the population does the same.
Can't blame them, why should the state be allowed to murder, but you can't?
Execution is murder and any sane person knows it.
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Post by miokalia on Feb 22, 2011 15:08:44 GMT -5
Sweizalthorpe Retracts Anean Extradition Provisions
As part of normal procedure, Sweizalthorpe retracted the extradition provisions concerning foreign nationals of the ASE. The provisions have been retracted for revision following the ASE's change in policy regarding the death penalty and civil rights of the accused. "Technically", Sweizalthorpe said, "The Zagckza Treaty states that we are not to extradite to any country which fails to provide a due process of law, including right to lawyers, right to not self-incriminate, right to exhaustive investigation and restriction on cruel and unusual punishment. Obviously, when we wrote that document in 1950, our expectations of the advancement of civil rights and liberty spreading throughout the world like an uncontrollable wild fire of peace and love were a bit steep. We've had to bend the rules some for practicality. I have had to temporarily retract our extradition provisions for the ASE due to their sudden change of policy and will rewrite the provisions and re-implement them shortly. I decline to specify what that rewrite will entail." Sda. Andertol later announced that in response to the death of the last official state executioner in Cal, that the Death Penalty, which had been unofficially abolished for decades, and unused for over 2 centuries, would finally be officially abolished.
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Post by aatuylva on Feb 22, 2011 17:51:13 GMT -5
Aatuylva celebrates fifth year of steadily falling crime rates!
Governor Dunsel applauded the work of militias and security forces all around the Confederacy for their exemplary work in smashing out crime throughout Aatuylva today, noting the steady decline in violent crime and thefts since the progressive programs have been put into place. He was asked if, knowing this, would Aatuylva join the nations in the south in doing away with some of the more...dated capital punishments that have made Aatuylva infamous overseas.
"I have no doubt that in those particular nations that doing away with executions and capital punishments are a good thing, but I also know that such actions cannot, and will not, ever work in Aatuylva. My people and theirs are simply wired too differently...although, the higher murder rates in the Commonwealth of the Kingdoms of Cal might be a sign that they should rethink their stance on the death penalty, or at the very least how they go about investigating crimes."
In other news, the amount of claims of 'disproportionately violent self-defense' has gone up by 2% over the past three years.
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Post by Kingdoms of Cal on Feb 23, 2011 9:17:28 GMT -5
Aeronauticallan Teerie Looks To Invest The Telen Financial Times
Today Aeronauticallan Teu has indicated it is interested in investing in Anean Aeronautic and is willing to work with them on bringing the Imperator and AIJ-5000 Ambassador to market. It is believed they are willing to invest five billion meeps . This looks to be a shrewed investment as Aeuonatly Teerie has in recent years stolen the bulk of the market share and Aeronauticallan Teu own planes are....well in development hell.
Though this is make or brake move by them, it looks like they have little choice as they would be out of business without some new planes. It is believed that along with the initial investment they are also offering their sales infrastructure and mass production plants, though they have indicated that they are keen to build a plant up north.
Their experience in the production of large numbers of large planes and cost control might even make the AIJ-5000 Ambassador a viable options for ever cost conscious air lines. Though the Imperator will face tough competition it is likely to be the plane they are most interested in initially.
It appears that in exchange for there investment and partnership they are looking to own a minority share of one share short of 50%. Control would remain within Anean Aeronautic and they have indicated they would rather not take full control at this point.
Whether the northerners will take up this deal is still not clear.
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Post by The Anean Star Empire on Feb 24, 2011 3:40:35 GMT -5
Anean Aeronautics Refuses Southern Deal, Open to Negotiation Imperial Financial News The government run Anean Aeronautics, shortly after receiving word of the southern offer, turned down the offer. The CEO of the company immediately called for a meeting of the Board and finally resolved to negotiate, in person, to reach an agreement that benefits both companies. Emperor Xaimoungkhoun, because it's more or less his company, stated that asking for half the company is too much for a new company that has barely started. He also stated that the southern company is in too much financial trouble to just accept this without a second thought. Already the Emperor gave the go ahead to continue construction of the planes at the New Gracaria Superfactory in addition to the new line of fighters and bombers.
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Post by miokalia on Feb 24, 2011 12:59:16 GMT -5
Rodalaton EAC Says They ~Might~ Purchase a AIJ 5000
Rodalaton EAC (Esnapse Aertache Consolidale) had announced the possibility of purchasing a AIJ-5000 aircraft from AA, and today confirmed that this is still a possibility. The purchase of said aircraft would start the process of the Airline Safety Apparat certification of the plane for commercial operation in Miokalia. However, this is the second time Rodalaton has done business with the ASE, the first time being the WorldPort program which is still in suspension following the Third Federation War.
REAC has stated that they do not have plans to use the AIJ5000 as a platform for Axial systems. They said "AIJ 5000 is certainly large enough, but we do not yet have sufficient enough data on it's performance characteristics to start a conversion program. Several other existing conversion programs are already underway and there are currently three successful conversion units in service."
The Apparat of State said that "Given political issues, we are currently working on an alternative to the previous WorldPort program in an effort to devise a strategy that exposes our assets, both public and private, to less risk, and thus be able to make this into a viable operation.
The Axial Conversion programs are currently kept viable almost entirely by the Kazian Port Mason and the hopes that the ASE will become a pro-business environment or that understanding can be reached with other extraplanetary entities.
"Right now our best bets are The Immanence and Aluez' extrasolar holdings.", said a spokescritter for REAC, "The technology exists to get people from planet-to-planet and the demand exists for extrasolar tourism, it's just politics at this point. We know it works, based on the handful of flights we made to Remnora prior to the Third Federation War. Aluez is beginning to look more promising due to progress being made in political matters, and the Immanence is looking promising due to progress being made in our communications."
The AIJ5000 would be the largest aircraft that REAC operates. The next largests being the Kazian-made KD-Cetasion WL300 "Whale King" Liner and the Airbus A380.
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Post by Killer Zoids on Feb 25, 2011 0:12:49 GMT -5
KZSE 24-7 Channel
Crazy Money with Joss Cooter *theme music is Jet Airliner, by Steve Miller Band* *a balding fox with high blood pressure is holding a model airplane* "So here's an email from a reader from Foxton, 'Dear Joss, I have a bunch of my retirement money wrapped up in Kazian Dynamic and now AWP is about to buy me out. What should I do? Will KD stocks tank because of the merger or should I ride it out till AWP cuts me a check?'
"Woah woah woah woah woah. So I just found out the ASE is making this gigantic plane right? [he mimics a plane crashing into the ground] Sssshhhheeeewww pkooosshhh! NO way I'm gettin' on that death trap! You know how much it costs to make one too? TOO much! [plays a warning siren followed by a sonic boom]
Enter Killer Dynamic. Remember those guys? The mini AWP? The so called 'last giant non-state company'. Yeah, they been workin' on one of these below the radar with the Miokalians. Apparently, they been doin' up a new lightweight composite material from... dun dun dun.. Killer Dynamic subsidary [in a deep, evil sounding voice] Nyloforge! If you're already on the train with Anean Aeronautics... [plays a toilet flushing sound] Gotta focus on the supply chain, and the manufacturing sector. Who do ya think can really deliver?
Killer Dynamic is gonna go big! Boom BOOM! [runs at the camera flailing his arms] My take? Invest in it while ya still can. AWP is gobblin' em up, and your only way to invest pretty soon is gonna be 5% savings bonds or watery AWP mutual funds. Yeah. Stick with it. You got GS Berg, Strux Town, even Ovania and Blue City. Every last one of em is gonna be pumping these suckers out. Sure they're not mach eleven billion, but they're just as big, and they're a fraction of the cost to make!
Don't count out Nyloforge though, [takes a hammer to a pink piggy bank full of quarters]. They got the stuff!
Last close for NYFG was CR4.87 with 9 mil in volume."
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Post by Kingdoms of Cal on Feb 27, 2011 17:31:34 GMT -5
Drewn Musical Some one notice us
The music of the tribes has changed. The "Last drewn band" has stood. They were ignored north has stood. The poor north of the commonwealth has made it's word known in song.
Salato as a hybe and a folk fan has said that despite our nature...
No one knows what is happening.
Things are now confusing now...We always though salato was a teuie..but she isn't..Everything is now random.
Paint me confused.
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Post by The Anean Star Empire on Feb 28, 2011 13:26:16 GMT -5
Emperor Xaimoungkhoun Issues Ban of Robots in Country Intergalactic News Center Following an attempted assassination from Commonwealth military robots during the New Astrapolis Campaign, Emperor Xaimoungkhoun ordered all foreign robots - including, but not limited to, AIs and androids - to be barred from entering the country. However, listed as an exemption, are cyborgs. This ban does not affect robots within the Empire however. Since those can be trusted, unlike the ones from most foreigners. The Emperor was unavailable for comment. However, we managed to get a statement from Prime Minister Welhan. "I think the Emperor reached the point where he just doesn't care what the world thinks of him. He doesn't care if he starts protests, if he angers this planet, or even if he starts a war. Well, he'd care if there was a war, but I think he's just trying to see how angry he can get the world before they do something." This move is expected to cause problems with the southern nations, most notably Miokalia and Killer Zoids, and hopefully be ignored by the rest of the world. Though that seems unlikely.
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